Bring me to the moon.
A Sign of the Times
As a little girl climbed onto Santa’s lap, Santa asked the usual, “And what would you like for Christmas?”
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: “Didn’t you get my E-mail?”
A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, “I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles.”
"She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?"
When you stop believing in Santa Claus
is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.
Tangentially related, only because chestnuts are xmas-y:
If I had some nuts on the wall, would I have walnuts? Yes.
If I had some nuts on my chest, would I have chestnuts? Yes.
If I had some nuts on my chin, would I have chinuts? No, you’d have a d*ck in your mouth.
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum – you can’t beat it!